Shadow man
For my final dissertation as part of the Postgraduate Course in Integrative Psychotherapy, I conducted research into the psychology of men. I focused specifically on the causes and approaches to typical difficulties experienced by men, both in their relationship with themselves and in their connections with others.The concept of the Shadow Man emerged from this.
The Shadow Man refers to what we call ‘the shadow’ in psychology. This is not necessarily something sinister. The word ‘shadow’ refers to something that is not consciously known to our mind.
Your shadow doesn’t have to be sinister.
It is a part of you that influences your behaviour from the subconscious. Getting to know it better opens up new possibilities.
The influence of the shadow
The shadow can guide or influence our behaviour from the subconscious. Think, for example, of being overcome by anger, submissive behaviour or feelings of guilt. Sometimes it feels as though something is constantly sabotaging you. Often, that behaviour is at odds with the person you actually want to be.
When and where does the shadow appear?
The shadow often develops early in life. At that time, it was a perfectly logical choice for your ‘system’ to store something in your shadow in order to keep you safe. Later on, this safety mechanism may be seen as a hindrance in new situations or when you wish to grow on a personal level.
A shadow can also be present on a collective level. For example, we see that for many men, emotional and physical awareness (and its importance) lies in the shadow. Getting to know your shadow aspects better creates new opportunities for self-development and healing.
Emotions and inner needs
Our biology means that our inner needs are communicated through emotions. We aren’t really aware of this. Being more in touch with our own inner world is therefore essential for personal growth. That’s not really ‘soft’. I see that it is often necessary to make ‘tough’ decisions. A strong inner connection serves as the foundation for connecting with your deeper self, your needs and motivations, and the people who matter to you. Consider the difference between a charismatic leader and a toxic one.
A community for men, run by men.
In my one-to-one sessions with men, a very clear trend emerges: men often lack meaningful relationships with other men, and when they want to work on themselves, they consciously miss out on this.
Sometimes they find emotional support from their partner or a close female friend. And yet, it’s not quite the same. There is a great deal of untapped potential in what we, as men, can do for one another. With this in mind, I founded Manmanman together with Guy Neyens: a support network to help you ‘become the man you want to be’. In our groups and evenings, there is space to speak, listen and learn, without judgement, and simply to be a man amongst men. We do not work with rigid models or grand theories, but with experience, presence and honest conversations. What we do is practical, down-to-earth and sometimes confrontational, but always with the aim of getting closer to yourself and standing stronger in life.
